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Drama Queen Greyhound Chews a Shoe

Posted in Humor


I have been naughty.  Once again I chewed Mama Karyn’s shoes. These are the same shoes I chewed before (see below) like last year. This time I only chewed one shoe so she no longer has a matched set of two chewed shoes. Last year she got them repaired.

I think Mama Karyn likes her Keen shoes more than me.

Those shoes are ugly. If I could wear shoes, mine would be bright red and strappy with sequins. Karyn wears these ugly black and brown shoes and they STINK. I mean it. They stink so badly that she doesn’t put them in the bedroom and the insides are all ripped up. For whatever reason, she loves those shoes. She says they are comfortable.

And if they smell bad to her, can you imagine what they smell like to me?

Anyway, yesterday Karyn was in and out all day and then she left. After I eat my dinner, I expect to play the Find the Cookie game but she just left. That did not sit well with me. She left me a treat but I went from room to room looking for cookies and there were none.

But I found her shoe and I had my way with it. So there.

Many hours later she came back and found the shoe on my dog bed. Karyn just burst out crying. Sometimes I feel sad when I make her cry but not tonight.

She looked at the ripped up shoe and the other shoe and just shook her head. Then she shut off the lights and went to bed.

I think she forgot about it today…maybe. The whole problem would be solved if she put her shoes in the closet like a normal human being.

Ta Ta, Lily, the Drama Queen

Drama Queen Speaks: I’m a gas, gas, gas (previous shoe chewing blog post)

originally posted elsewhere-Sunday, April 20th, 2008

Yo bi-at-ches

I have been a very bad girl lately. I’m 10 1/2 and still chew lots of stuff.

This past week I was very bad. Here’s the story.

One night Mama Karyn left. She has been gone a lot lately. Mama Karyn is a SLOB. Don’t tell her I said that because she is closet slob.

She left her shoes in the middle of the living room floor. I have not chewed shoes for years but I was angry so I chewed them. They were her Keen’s. She loves her Keen’s. They are old and smelly but she wears them every day and brags that they are supposed to last forever.

I guess they could last forever if I didn’t chew them.

Hours later she returned and found one shoe on my bed in her office. She started to SCREAM: “YOU CHEWED MY SHOES?” I wagged my tail. She started looking for the other shoe but got distracted.

Later she remembered and went on a shoe hunt and found the other shoe in my bed in the blue room. Again she started to SCREAM: “YOU CHEWED MY FAVORITE SHOES!”

She looked at them closely and thought maybe they were saveable. Then she started to cry. I felt bad and went up to her, nudging with my nose like I also do, and she looked con-flict-ed. She did not pet me…but later she did.

The next day there was a lost greyhound and she left again.

When she came back she was carrying some groceries and started putting them away when the phone rang. There had been a sighting of the lost dog so out she goes without a goodbye.

Then she came back and got busy and left yet again to go to the gym. When she returned, she fed me. With all this coming and going, I felt like a second-class citizen.

I heard her in the kitchen talking to herself saying, “What the hell happened to my salmon burgers?” She looked at her receipt and got charged for the salmon burgers.

Then she gave me the evil eye and marched into the blue room. I left evidence. On the bed was part of the sty-ro-foam tray.

Of course, I had the dreaded big-D in the middle of the night and then on my walk the next day both morning and night.

Mama Karyn also tells me that I’m a stinky girl (that’s good, right?) She doesn’t sound angry when she says so. She said I have the worst gas, gas, gas.

Confidentially, the salmon burgers were yummy but they smell better when she cooks them but that sty-ro-foam didn’t taste so good; I didn’t eat too much of that.

Love you, mean it

Lily, the Drama Queen