I chewed Mama Karyn’s favorite purse.
This didn’t happen recently but right before Christmas. However, this is the first time I have been able to sneak on the com-pu-ter. Mama Karyn lives on the com-pu-ter. She has a whole secret life involving all these virtual friends that have never met me. Their loss.
Anyway I was so tired of that red purse, I consider my chewing it a public service. Karyn bought this faux red leather purse at Target about 10 years ago and she rarely throws anything away unless it’s broken. I did her a favor.
One night before Christmas there was an event in the ‘hood and Karyn asked Auntie Jean Rettus if she wanted to come too. Unfortunately, Jean is a witness to my crime. Karyn only took her keys not her purse and left it hanging on the doorknob in the hall. She has left her purse there many times when she goes for walks.
But this time, there was something in the purse that called my name, “Lily, come eat me!”, said the piece of peppermint bark. And I tried my best to follow that order.
You see Karyn went to Trader Joe’s that same morning after going to the dentist and they were sampling peppermint bark. She felt guilty about eating candy on the way home from the dentist so the Trader Joe’s person said to wrap up a piece for later. She put the piece in the front compartment of her purse. And there it sat, calling my name.
Karyn and Jean were only gone for about an hour and when she came back, she noticed the purse on my bed and I had chewed off some of the faux leather (yeck!) and broke the zipper to the front compartment. Karyn screamed, “OMG! You chewed my favorite purse! I cannot believe you chewed my purse!” Jean was shocked. She said, “Good thing Laila and Lily are not friends because Lily would teach Laila bad habits.” You bet I would!
Mama threw the purse in the trash can in bathroom. They sat down and ate dinner.
Sometimes Karyn closes the bathroom door and sometimes not. This night she didn’t and in the middle of the night, the candy in the purse was still calling my name. I snuck in the bathroom and further destroyed the purse but still couldn’t get to the candy. What a waste of my time and energy.
The next morning Karyn sees the further destroyed purse on my bed and then she remembers the candy. That selfish bitch extracts the candy and eats it in front of my very eyes. She says, “Yum, yum, yum. I love chocolate. Chocolate is not for doggies. So there.” What a low blow.
She better not be leaving her new turquoise boots from Old Navy where I can get them or else she’ll be sorry.
Karyn had another purse in the closet which she dug out. It is ugly and made from boiled wool. Have you ever heard of anything so unappetizing?
Love you mean it!
Lily, a.k.a. Drama Queen